Hey, pot. I'm the kettle.

I was sitting at my desk, minding my own business, when I overhead the tax director of my company complaining to the controller about his kids’ attitudes. He was saying that he watches family TV his 12-year-old girl and 9-year-old boy each night, and has noticed that they have nothing good to say about anyone. And that it makes him “kinda sad.” He went on to say that we have the same problem in this office. I snorted coffee up into my sinuses when I heard that.


Why do people have so little to say about others in this office that isn’t negative? Let me break it down for you.

There are eight executives, all men. There are five women. Of those, six of the executives (the “highest” of them) never say a negative thing about anyone in this office that I’ve ever overheard. Of the rest of them, two of the men and four of the women are all bitchy gossips who take great joy in saying nasty things about everyone that isn’t part of their little clique. Do the math. Where do I stand? I’m not one of the Big Six and I’m not part of the clique. I am, however, often the target of the clique.

I’ve learned many things about myself from the all-knowing clique. For example, I’m a lesbian. That was a big shock to me. I am simultaneously a lesbian and have several boyfriends, which was also quite a shock to learn. I am also too fat or too skinny, depending on what purpose it serves. I dress badly. I have bad skin and bad hair. I walk too loudly. I have weird fingernails. I eat bizarre food. I drink too much coffee (at a whopping one cup a day that they know of). I don’t know what I’m talking about. I’m too tall. I have a funny accent. (I have an accent?) I don’t often take lunch breaks, which apparently makes them look bad. I wear colors that don’t go with my skin tone. I don’t spend enough money on shoes.

One of the more telling things is that all of the women have complained that I’m single. The married ones complain about the responsibilities and stresses that they deal with that I get to avoid. The single ones are apparently angry that I’m single and not attempting to “remedy” that. After all, they feel that their life isn’t complete because they aren’t married. So why am I not trying as hard as they are to get married? Could it be that (gasp!) their goal is one that I don’t feel is worth reaching for? Is it that (gasp again!) I am not validating their issues for them by claiming solidarity?

So yeah, I have nothing nice to say about my coworkers because they treat me like garbage. I like my bosses. In fact, they are the reason I’m not job hunting. My “team” is certainly not what will keep me here.

My coworkers are very fortunate that I am not even more unbalanced than I am already.

I’m baffled.

I have a job. I’ve been in my current company for four years. I’ve been in multiple types of accounting jobs since 1996. I have a degree. I get stellar performance reviews.

And yet…

My coworkers treat me like I’m an idiot. They’re constantly telling me things I need to do – which I have typically already done. They’re constantly telling me (and my boss) that I’ve made mistakes – which someone else made or that I made because the person tattling on me gave me bad information. They tell lies about me behind my back that they don’t realize get back to me. They “explain” things to me that I actually explained to them first. They insult me to my face, or whisper loudly to one another so that I can hear what they say about me.

And yet…

When they have a problem with one of the programs we use, especially Excel, they ask me how to fix it. When an unidentified payment comes in, they ask me what it is. When they don’t know how to send a payment out, they ask me. When they need foreign exchange rates, they ask me. When their computer does something wonky, they ask me how to fix it before calling IT. When they need coding on a transaction, they ask me. When they can’t figure out how to reconcile an account, they ask me.

And yet…

They congratulated me when I took over my former boss’s job two years ago, but they complained to the controller that I didn’t deserve it. When I was moved into a window office, they went en masse into the boss to try to get me removed. They don’t finish tasks that I need to complete my work on time, but they complain when I can’t make my deadlines. They won’t give me information I need, but I drop everything when they have a question. They don’t ask me to go to lunch or coffee or to get bagels, but complain to my boss that I won’t socialize with them. They whine that I don’t contribute, but ignore me when I do.

Would someone like to explain this to me? Because I am clearly not understanding something.