Hey, pot. I'm the kettle.

I was sitting at my desk, minding my own business, when I overhead the tax director of my company complaining to the controller about his kids’ attitudes. He was saying that he watches family TV his 12-year-old girl and 9-year-old boy each night, and has noticed that they have nothing good to say about anyone. And that it makes him “kinda sad.” He went on to say that we have the same problem in this office. I snorted coffee up into my sinuses when I heard that.


Why do people have so little to say about others in this office that isn’t negative? Let me break it down for you.

There are eight executives, all men. There are five women. Of those, six of the executives (the “highest” of them) never say a negative thing about anyone in this office that I’ve ever overheard. Of the rest of them, two of the men and four of the women are all bitchy gossips who take great joy in saying nasty things about everyone that isn’t part of their little clique. Do the math. Where do I stand? I’m not one of the Big Six and I’m not part of the clique. I am, however, often the target of the clique.

I’ve learned many things about myself from the all-knowing clique. For example, I’m a lesbian. That was a big shock to me. I am simultaneously a lesbian and have several boyfriends, which was also quite a shock to learn. I am also too fat or too skinny, depending on what purpose it serves. I dress badly. I have bad skin and bad hair. I walk too loudly. I have weird fingernails. I eat bizarre food. I drink too much coffee (at a whopping one cup a day that they know of). I don’t know what I’m talking about. I’m too tall. I have a funny accent. (I have an accent?) I don’t often take lunch breaks, which apparently makes them look bad. I wear colors that don’t go with my skin tone. I don’t spend enough money on shoes.

One of the more telling things is that all of the women have complained that I’m single. The married ones complain about the responsibilities and stresses that they deal with that I get to avoid. The single ones are apparently angry that I’m single and not attempting to “remedy” that. After all, they feel that their life isn’t complete because they aren’t married. So why am I not trying as hard as they are to get married? Could it be that (gasp!) their goal is one that I don’t feel is worth reaching for? Is it that (gasp again!) I am not validating their issues for them by claiming solidarity?

So yeah, I have nothing nice to say about my coworkers because they treat me like garbage. I like my bosses. In fact, they are the reason I’m not job hunting. My “team” is certainly not what will keep me here.